


terrible things

by suga



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, But it's there, Death, I'm Sorry, M/M, OiSuga isn't even worth tagging I don't think, Paranormal, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-05-23 03:50:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6103861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suga/pseuds/suga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the room was filled with laughter and music.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> alternatively titled, "just fuck me up: the musical"

The room was filled with laughter and music.

The music was playing quietly in the background; a slow song, but Sugawara Koushi couldn’t place it. He was distracted, and laughing. His stomach ached from the giggles that erupted from his mouth, from the hands at his sides.

“Stop! Daichi!” Sugawara whined through his laughter, feeling tears welling in his eyes as the other continued to tickle him. They had been dancing, but it had taken a turn.

But Sugawara’s laughter was music to Daichi’s ears, and he couldn’t wipe the wide grin off of his face. But then his eyes caught a glimpse of the clock and his hands stilled, and his heart raced, and his face flushed.

Suga took the chance to catch his breath before looking back at Daichi, who was watching him closely. They were still standing in the middle of Koushi’s apartment, and the music was still playing quietly in the background, but the atmosphere had changed.

Daichi rubbed his boyfriend’s sides slowly before pulling him towards the couch, easing him down beside him. Suga stayed quiet as he watched Daichi move, and took note of the red filling in his cheeks.

“Koushi,” Daichi started, feeling his voice crack; he immediately turned his head away. It was time, and he was nervous. He knew he had no reason to be nervous though, this was the right decision. “Koushi.” He said again, head turning back to face the other, who was waiting expectantly.

Suga’s heart was hammering in his chest, clueless as to what Daichi was playing at, or what he wanted to discuss. Part of him was nervous, terrible thought’s passing through his mind, but he knew he was being ridiculous because it was Daichi, and he loved Daichi, and he knew that Daichi loved him.

“I love you so much.” Daichi finally managed to let out before biting the inside of his bottom lip. “We’ve been together for a long time now, and we’ve been through a lot.” The brunet spoke slowly as he thought over his words. He didn’t want to mess anything up, not now, especially not now.

Koushi raised his hand up to brush Daichi’s cheek, knowing most times that calmed him down. Daichi took a deep breath to regain his composure.

“I don’t know if I could ever live without you.” He continued, reaching for both of Suga’s hands before squeezing them tightly with his own. “You keep me on track, keep me sane, and I love you more every day.”

The words made Suga’s heart skip in his chest, but he remained silent as he let Daichi speak.

“I guess it’s not a, ‘I don’t know if I could ever live without you,’ as much as it’s I _know_ I could never live without you. I know I could never live without you because I love you, and because you’re my entire world. I wake up and you’re all I think about, and I go to sleep and you’re all I dream about. And I love you.”

Suga watched as Daichi slipped off of the couch after releasing his hands. The brunet pat down his jeans before pulling out a small box from his back pocket. If Koushi’s heart hadn’t been hammering before, it definitely had started at the sight of the small object in his boyfriend’s hand.

“Sugawara Koushi.” Daichi once more started, looking at the box before turning his head up to look at the other on the couch. “I love you, and I love you more than I did a minute ago. And I love you even more now. And, you get the idea. Would you maybe consider marrying me?”

Suga’s eyes widened as Daichi opened the ring box to reveal a very simple silver band. His cheeks flushed a deep shade of red and he nodded over and over. There was no need to think about it, he was head over heels for Daichi, and saying no to such a question would just be stupid on his part.

“Yes. Yes, I will marry you, Sawamura Daichi.” Koushi finally said, tears welling up in his eyes once more as Daichi fumbled to pull the ring out of the box to slip onto his ring finger.

Daichi moved to sit back on the couch as Suga moved to lean down to kiss, and they both fell onto the floor in an awkward pile of happy tears and sloppy kisses. Sugawara was laughing again, but Daichi wasn’t tickling him, and the laughter was still music to the brunet’s ears.

“I love you so much.” Suga said quietly between kisses, as his hands cupped Daichi’s cheeks gently. “I love you, so, so much.”

Daichi kissed him back each time, and the smile on his face only grew as they continued to innocently roll around the living room. But all of it stopped once Daichi’s phone started to ring incessantly deep within the pocket of his jeans, and they both groaned simultaneously at the alarm. Daichi was quick to shut it off.

“I don’t want you to go.” Koushi whined, burying his face into the other’s neck, pressing a gentle kiss against the skin there.

Daichi wrapped his arms around the man on top of him and sighed quietly. “I don’t want to go either, but I also want to keep my job.”

“Can’t you call them and tell them you can’t work because you’re boyfriend is sick or something?”

Daichi laughed quietly and shook his head, tightening his hold.

“Unfortunately, that wouldn’t work. And, besides, I don’t have a boyfriend.” Suga immediately lifted his head up at the statement and frowned down at his partner. “I do have this fiancé though, who I love very much. But I don’t think I can get out of work either way. Everyone there knew my plans, but there was just no way out of it.”

Sugawara pouted as he looked down at his boyfr – _fiancé_ – before sighing and rolling off of him before sprawling on his back in the middle of his living room. “You have to make it up to me then!”

Daichi grinned as he sat up, glancing over to the man on the ground beside him. “Oh, you know I always do.”

Suga grinned up at him before they both pulled themselves up off of the floor. The brunet made his way to Suga’s bedroom to quickly change into his work clothes, as the other made his way to the kitchen to tidy up their dinner dishes. By the time the dishes had been loaded into the dishwasher, Daichi was walking out of the bedroom in his black button-up work shirt, the convenience store’s logo embroidered on the front, paired with a set of black dress pants.

Suga turned to Daichi in the doorway of the kitchen and sighed. He never wanted Daichi to go to work, but he especially didn’t want him to go to work then. He was happy, on cloud nine, and he wanted to hold his fiancé until hell froze over. But he knew Daichi needed the money, and he knew that he’d see him in class the next day.

The pair wrapped their arms around each other and squeezed one another tightly. They enjoyed one another for a few moments before reluctantly pulling away, before their lips met in a soft kiss. Suga tried to get playful, but Daichi was quick to stop him, knowing that if he got distracted now, he’d definitely lose his job by not showing up.

They walked together to the door, and separated as Daichi slipped on his shoes. They kissed once more after the apartment door opened.

“I love you, I’ll see you in the morning.” Daichi said quietly, pressing his lips to Suga’s forehead as he smiled.

“I love you more.”

There were a few more chaste kisses before Daichi finally forced himself away from Suga and down the hall towards the elevator. Koushi watched as Daichi entered the elevator before closing the apartment door and locking it behind him.

He sighed quietly to himself, unable to keep the smile off of his face as he looked at the ring on his finger, shining bright in the overhead light in the living room. He wanted to tell everyone, but he also wanted to keep the news to himself a little while longer. If the people at the convenience store knew of Daichi’s plan, he knew word had probably already spread between their small groups of friends.

Suga was sitting on the couch lost in thought when he heard his phone ringing. He jumped off of the couch and retrieved the phone, which had been sitting on the kitchen table since they had finished eating dinner. He grinned at the sight of Daichi’s name on the caller ID.

“You miss me already?” Suga answered, only to hear Daichi chuckling in the background.

“I always miss you.” The voice spoke on the other end of the phone, and Suga beamed to himself. “I just wanted to tell you something before I forgot.”

Suga sauntered back into the living room and collapsed on the couch, holding his phone tightly against his ear. “You better be on the Bluetooth mister. But what was it?”

“Of course I am, I’m not that reckless.” Daichi said before sighing. “I just wanted to tell you that I lo—”

The sounds of tires screeching, horns blaring, metal crushing and windows breaking filled the phone, and Suga was scrambling, not knowing what to do.

That couldn’t have been real, right?

“D-Daichi? Daichi? _Daichi?_ ” the man cried into the phone, only hearing static mixed with a motor running before finally gasping breath. “Daichi?”

“Kou…”

There were sirens in the distance, and Sugawara could hear them out his own window. His heart was hammering, and there were tears streaming down his face as he scrambled for the front door. He slipped on his shoes, and kept his phone pressed against the side of his head, listening intently for anything.

“Daichi?”

But all he was met with was silence. He couldn’t hear the gasping, or anything. The phone had gone dead silent.

 

The convenience store wasn’t far from Suga’s apartment, and while Daichi normally walked when it was nice out, it had been raining that night and he had opted to drive. Daichi always took the same route; no matter if he was on foot or in his car, and as soon as Suga had locked his apartment door, he was setting out on foot to follow the route, he needed answers. He needed to see Daichi.

The rain was pelting down harder than it had been when he had arrived home from the grocery store that afternoon. The overhead streetlights lit his way, and the reflection of the light on the wet pavement was bright in his eyes. He could hear the sirens, and see the flashing lights a few blocks down the main road. He ran as fast as he could, grateful for his years of volleyball for his stamina; he couldn’t stop running until he arrived on the scene.

What he was met with on arrival was horrible. He felt sick to his stomach, but he couldn’t move his eyes away. The first thing he noticed was a large pick up truck. He couldn’t tell what direction it had been trying to go in, but he stopped thinking about it completely once his eyes noticed the bright electric blue of Daichi’s small Honda pinned between a telephone pole and the truck.

The small electric blue Honda that Daichi had bought as soon as he’d saved up after receiving his license.

The small electric blue Honda that he picked Suga up for dates.

The small electric blue Honda where Suga had first told Daichi he loved him, and learned that the feeling was mutual. The small electric blue Honda that held so many memories of them together, that Sugawara took for granted.

Suga didn’t know why his phone was still pressed against his ear, when he knew full well the line had gone dead. He shoved the phone into his pocket as he ran towards the vehicle.

“Daichi!” He cried out, but was stopped before he could make it to the car.

“Sir, I need you to stay back.”

“That’s my – that’s my f-fiancé. _Daichi!_ ” He cried out even louder, his voice cracking as he tried to get his point across. But the police officer on the scene was having none of it and continued to block him from the car. “ _DAICHI!_ ”

“Sir, if you would please—”

“That’s my fucking fiancé, I need to see him.” Suga’s voice was absolutely broken as he cried and continued to push at the police officer’s arm. “Please, I need…”

A second ambulance came to the scene soon after, adding more flashing lights to the mix, and was soon followed by a firetruck. Suga continued to watch the car as tears streamed down his face. His heart was racing and it felt as though it would shatter any moment. Daichi needed to be okay. He needed to be okay so he could marry Suga. They were going to get married. Married, until death do them part.

 

 

When watching something as horrific as the aftermath of a car wreck, time moves nearly to a completely stand still. Suga watched in a daze as paramedics and firemen rushed around where the police officer had finally managed to make him stay put after wrapping a blanket around his cold, shivering body. The rain hadn’t let up, and his eyes hadn’t broken away from the mess in front of him. His throat hurt from crying out Daichi’s name until he had finally remained silent.

Everything was a complete blur, and the sirens had faded away until he could no longer hear them, and the flashing red and blue lights were barely visible to him as he continued to keep watch, waiting for the worst but hoping for the best.

Time slows down even more when they’re finally pulling bodies from cars. The driver of the truck had suffered a heart attack, which caused the crash. Suga wasn’t sure if they had survived or not. He hadn’t been concerned, and he couldn’t be mad at the driver for having a heart attack, it wasn’t as if they could exactly stop themselves from having one.

When the driver of the truck had been put into the ambulance, a tow truck moved in to pull the truck away from Daichi’s car. It took everything within Suga to stay put sitting on the back of the police car, unblinking.

It took everything within him to not run towards him as they pulled Daichi from the car.

It took everything within him to concentrate on the paramedic’s words.

It took everything within him to not scream into the void as he was told that his fiancé had passed.

 

He didn’t quite have the strength for that last one.

 

 

Time slows down when you lose a loved one. Time drags when you have to push yourself through the motions.

Suga didn’t want to deal with his would-have-been in-laws. He wanted Daichi.

Suga didn’t want to deal with standing at the edge of the room during the wake. He wanted Daichi.

Suga didn’t want to stand-by and listen to people tell him that it will get better. He wanted Daichi.

 

He definitely didn’t want to hear people say they were sorry. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, and he just wanted Daichi.

If it was anyone’s fault, Suga blamed himself for not holding Daichi a little longer, or holding onto him a little too long that night. He thought about it often, though he tried not to. Daichi wouldn’t have blamed him; he knew he wouldn’t. He wasn’t that cruel.

 

For lack of a better word, Suga was numb. He’d felt enough pain over the following weeks that it had turned into nothing. The morning after the accident had been the most painful, but the morning after the funeral, the pain had turned dull. He hadn’t slept for more than a hand full of hours in the two weeks following the accident and he had more or less turned into an empty shell. He hadn’t gone to class. He hadn’t gone to work. He was lucky if he still had a job.

He didn’t eat. Coffee was the only thing keeping him going. He wanted Daichi back.

Suga continued to keep himself in the apartment, sitting in his living room in his pajamas, wrapped in a blanket. He didn’t want to see anyone; he didn’t want to talk to anyone. He wanted Daichi back.

 

His friends tried to contact him, but he ignored their calls. His teachers tried to email him, and while he knew he couldn’t keep putting off his education, he couldn’t bring himself to answer. He just wanted Daichi back.

But Daichi wasn’t coming back. And he constantly had to remind himself that he wasn’t coming back.

 

 

Koushi went back to class before he went back to work. He didn’t want to, but he had to. The work was piling up, and it was haunting him, much like the thought of his fiancé, who would want him to go to class. He could hear that voice of his nagging in the back of his head to go to class.

Classes were hard, especially lectures. Lectures gave him too much time to think, and concentrating on the professors was far too hard. At least labs kept him busy and his mind on other things. His notes were terrible, and after each class, he fled from the room to find a place to be alone. He wasn’t ready to socialize.

 

Work was another story, though he was thankful to still be employed. By the time he managed to set foot behind the counter at the on campus coffee shop, he found it difficult to talk to customers, and his coworkers. But he forced himself to do it, as much as it hurt. He was thankful his coworkers didn’t talk to him about it much, they had the decency to steer the conversations to something lighthearted. He didn’t tell anyone that any time to bell over the door rang he had hoped Daichi would be walking through the door to visit as he usually did.

He refused to take the ring off while working, even though it was against the rules to wear jewelry at work.

 

It was a month and a half after the accident when Suga noticed something very peculiar. He had come home after work one night and walked into the kitchen. It had taken him a few moments to realize, but something had been written on his fridge.

When he had first moved into the apartment, Daichi had bought him a magnetic white board to stick on the front of the fridge. They had used it mostly to leave stupid notes for each other, as well as grocery lists. The last few weeks it had been blank, aside from the last thing Daichi had left in the corner, a simple “ _I love you_ ,” with a heart beside it.

But upon inspection of the white board after work, Suga’s heart began to race, and he could feel his body shake. He had to have been losing it. He needed sleep. He needed to talk to a therapist, or something. He was losing his marbles; there was no other excuse.

Along the bottom of the white board was a line of red hearts, matching the exact heart that was beside Daichi’s note that had been written a month and a half ago. Suga rubbed his eyes as though it would make the hearts magically disappear, but it was no use. They were still lining the bottom of the white board.

He reached to the top of the fridge and picked up one of the markers and quickly erased everything on the board’s surface until it was clear. Nothing. Empty.

Just like Suga felt.

Suga went to bed and tried to not think about the hearts, and attempted to sleep.

 

 

A few days passed and Koushi walked into the kitchen after finally getting a full nights rest. It had been a long time since he had slept more than four hours, and he enjoyed the feeling of being rested. Getting back into the swing of work and school had managed to get his sleep schedule back on track. But as he walked into the kitchen, he stopped in his tracks at the sight of the whiteboard once again. He hadn’t written a single thing on it, but someone had.

“ _I love you_ ,” was back in the corner, alongside a red heart.

Suga swallowed a lump in his throat and ran to his apartment door, but it was still locked like he had left it the night before. He moved back to the kitchen and felt tears pricking at his eyes as he looked over the words that were so very clearly written by Daichi’s hand.

“I love you, too.” He said quietly before erasing the message, utterly confused as to how it appeared.

 

It happened again that same day, when Suga arrived home after work. He was tired, people were exhausting, and he just wanted to sleep after downing a glass of water despite the fact that it was barely six o’clock. But there were words on the white board once more, and the glass in Suga’s hand nearly slipped out of his hand. He was quick enough to set it down on the counter.

“ _I love you more than this morning._ ”

Suga could feel his heart shattering in his chest as he read over the words, and the tears fell freely down his face as he read over the message over, and over. It was once more in Daichi’s print, but there was no possible way. Daichi was dead. He was dead as dead could be.

Someone had to have been playing a trick on him, but Daichi was the only one with a spare key, and his mother at some point had returned that spare key to him. That spare key was sitting on the key ring beside the door, alongside the laundry room key and the mail key. This was impossible. He couldn’t tear his teary eyes away from the words.

 

Koushi wasn’t sure how long he stood in the kitchen staring at the words on the white board, but by the time he did look away, the sun had gone down and the moon was overhead lighting up the street below. His mind was racing with a million different possibilities, one crazier than the next. There was no way Daichi could have been writing things on his white board from beyond the grave, there was just no way. He was definitely gone. There was no such thing as ghosts.

Suga looked around the apartment for any sign of intrusion, but nothing was out of place, the spare key still hung on its spot on the wall and the lock hadn’t been tampered with at all. He swallowed a lump in his throat as he made his way back into the kitchen and bit the inside of his lip. Tears were threatening to fall once more but he cleared his throat and closed his eyes before taking a deep breath. He exhaled slowly as his eyes opened.

“Daichi?”

He hadn’t been expecting an answer, and when he was met with silence, he wasn’t surprised. He paused for a moment as he thought, his ideas still getting crazier. He’d watched enough late night paranormal television to get ideas.

“Daichi, if you’re here, can you please do, I don’t know, something?” He paused as nothing happened. “Like, flicker the lights or—”

A chill went through Suga’s entire body, and the hair on his arms stood on end as the kitchen light turned off and then back on.

Suga took in another deep, albeit shaky breath as his head wrapped around what had happened. He wanted to phone someone, anyone, to make sure he wasn’t going crazy. But he knew as soon as he started explaining the phenomena that he had just witnessed, he’d definitely be taken into some sort of hospital.

“Can I have some sort of reassurance that that wasn’t just a fluke of the apartment’s power?” Suga finally asked, voice shaking.

Without the bone-chilling shiver up his spine, the flickering of the lights happened much quicker, and both of Suga’s hands covered his mouth as a sob finally broke through, and his knees buckled as he slid down to the floor.

“I am going crazy, this can’t be happening.” Suga muttered quietly to himself as he let his forehead connect with his knees, with his arms moving over his head. He shook as he felt a chill cover his body once more, but this time it felt different. It wasn’t just a cold chill; he could feel some sort of presence. He could feel the familiarity of Daichi being by his side. He definitely wasn’t alone.

But when he lifted his head, he still couldn’t see anyone. He was alone.

But then a waft of Daichi’s cologne hit his nose and he could have swore his heart stopped.

 

Suga didn’t go to class or work the next day because he stayed in bed. He was scared to leave in fear that the white board would be blank, or that it would say something new. He wasn’t sure if having Daichi’s ghost around was healthy. He wanted Daichi, the real life Daichi, not a figment of his imagination playing tricks on him.

 

The following day was the opposite; Suga did everything he could to stay out of his apartment. He went to college early and stayed in the library until he had to work, and even then he stayed in the café after he was off. He said he was working on projects, when he was just avoiding his apartment.

He was only forced to leave the café when it locked up for the night. His coworkers left him out front, and he stood on the empty street under the streetlight and sighed. He didn’t want to go home, he didn’t know what he was going to find.

He shifted his things around in his arms before pulling his phone from his pocket. He bit the inside of his lip as he scrolled around before finally setting it against his ear, listening to the ringing on the other end. There was a muffled cough audible through the earpiece before a voice.

“Suga?”

Suga stayed quiet for a moment. “Asahi, hey.” His voice was quiet as he spoke, not even sure what to say. He didn’t want to invite himself over, but maybe he could get away with inviting Asahi over. Having a second person in his apartment wouldn’t be as scary.

“What’s going on?”

It had felt like years since he had last spoke to Asahi, though it hadn’t been long at all. The last time he had actually seen him though was at Daichi’s funeral. They had all met in high school, and had stuck pretty close together through college. It wasn’t until the last year that their time together was spread out. Upon hearing of Daichi’s passing, Asahi continuously, though through tears, offered his hand to help out Suga in any way, though Suga always turned him down. But now he could really use some help.

Koushi took a deep breath, and finally said out loud what he had been thinking the last two days.

“I really need someone at the apartment with me, right now. I think I’m being haunted. And by all means not a horrible kind of haunted, but it’s tearing me apart, Asahi. I don’t know if I’m going crazy or—”

“Hey, hey. Hey, Koushi. I’ll be right over.” Asahi said quietly, cutting Suga off on his story. “Tell me everything when I get there.”

Letting out a small breath, a tiny smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Thank you, Asahi.”

Suga hurriedly made his way from the campus café to his apartment and stood outside until Asahi’s arrival, which thankfully didn’t take long. Suga lead the way up to his apartment, his heart hammering in his chest as they neared the door. The pair stayed quiet as they walked into the apartment, both kicking off their shoes. Suga stopped Asahi before either of them left the entryway.

“Before anything, I need to explain that there have been things written on the fridge whiteboard that I didn’t write. No one else has been in my apartment since that night.” Suga looked up at Asahi after he had finished speaking and was met with a look he couldn’t place. It was somewhere between concern and pity, and it wasn’t the look he was looking for, but he pushed it to the side and stepped into the living room.

Everything was just the way he had left it that morning. Nothing had moved out of place, and the words that Daichi had left last were still on the whiteboard. Suga was both happy and sad to see the words still there. He turned to Asahi, pointing to the fridge.

“The other night I got home and this was written on the fridge. I had cleared the board that morning, and no one had broken into my apartment to write anything. That’s Daichi’s writing too, there’s no denying.” Suga said quietly, looking over the words. “So, I asked for a sign that he was here, and the lights started flickering, and I asked again, and they flickered again.” He turned around to face Asahi after a moment, eyebrows furrowed. When he spoke out loud, he just sounded ridiculous. “I’m sorry, that sounds silly.”

Asahi sighed quietly before sitting down at one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

“It’s definitely not what I had been expecting to hear, I will tell you that much.” He said quietly, rubbing his chin as he thought over everything that the other had said. He was confused about the whiteboard. “But, I really hate to say it, Suga…” there was a brief pause as Asahi tried to figure out a nice way to word what he needed to say. “I’m not seeing any words on the whiteboard.”

 

That wasn’t what Suga wanted to hear.

Suga laughed it off, said he knew it sounded funny and that he must have been dreaming, because it didn’t make any sense at all.

Asahi hung out for a short while longer before leaving for the night. Suga locked the door behind him and cried in the entryway. The lights flickered.

 

Suga didn’t go to work or to college the rest of the week. There were new notes every day. Daichi wanted him to stop staying home. Daichi loved him. Daichi flickered the lights. Daichi’s presence was made very well known, and Suga was beginning to be far too comfortable with the fact that his dead fiancé was living along side him.

 

He cheered up as the weeks progressed. There was a new note every morning, and Daichi sent Suga off to school with a flickering of lights. Suga would come home from work to a new note, and a flickering of lights. He knew he was being silly, but he was happier with just the thought of Daichi in his apartment, even if he couldn’t see him. He could still feel him there.

His coworkers, and his close friends had noted his change of mood, but they had all assumed he was finally starting to move on. Suga decided he had moved on in his own way, but after the visit with Asahi, he knew he couldn’t discuss what was going on. Daichi was his secret. He was glad to be back to normal, for the most part, and going home was his favourite part of his days.

 

“Where would we have gone on a honeymoon?” Suga asked one evening as he left the kitchen. It had been nearly two months since his Daichi discovery, which was two months of him seemingly talking to himself.

Suga walked into the kitchen a moment after to find, ‘ _Sydney’_ scrawled across the whiteboard. The man smiled and nodded to himself as he grabbed a glass from the cupboard to fill with water from the tap.

“You always wanted to go to Australia, I remember. I would love to see it one day.” There was a sad tone to Suga’s words, but he turned himself around quickly. “The volleyball team went to nationals, though you might have known that. I am sad I didn’t continue playing this year.” Suga took his water to the kitchen table and sat down, sighing quietly as he looked at the white board. Words never appeared while he was in the room.

And it was moments like those in which he missed hearing Daichi’s voice, and seeing his face. He missed holding him, and his lips against his own.

“I’m really scared to forget the sound of your voice.” He whispered quietly, trying to fight off the oncoming thoughts. Once he started, he found it hard to stop.

 

He wished he had taken more video, or more photos. He didn’t want to forget Daichi in any way.

 

Koushi had completely lost track of the months and the days and the weeks until it had been one year since the accident. He’d fallen into a routine once he had graduated and rarely went off of it. He would go to work at the high school and stay until the majority of his papers were graded, before going home to Daichi.

He still didn’t tell a single soul about Daichi, and he didn’t want to admit that he couldn’t remember Daichi’s voice.

This continued for far longer than that year. Months passed. Suga continuously dropped plans with his friends to go home to Daichi.

“Sorry, my parents are in town tonight.”

“Ah, I am so sorry, I have to leave on the next train to a wedding for the weekend.”

“Maybe next time, I’m expecting my cousins for dinner tonight!”

 

It was unhealthy. He knew it was unhealthy. Daichi had pointed out that it was unhealthy. He wasn’t ready to let him go.

 

It wasn’t until an old rival approached Sugawara at the grocery store; his routine was thrown off track.

“Daichi, do you remember Oikawa Tooru?” Suga asked before leaving the kitchen. It was something of a habit of his, a hope that his answer would come sooner than later. He returned after changing to find a simple, ‘ _yes’_ scrawled on the whiteboard.

“Oikawa stopped me in the supermarket today. I was picking up the ingredients for curry when he startled me. I haven’t seen him since nationals third year.” Suga explained as he pulled the food out of the fridge to start making said curry. “He asked me how things were, asked me how you were. I explained what happened, and of course he said sorry.” There was a sigh as he cut off the ends of the carrots. “But then the strange thing was, he asked me out to coffee…” Suga trailed off as he slowly cut the carrots into small pieces before throwing them into a pot on the stove. “I didn’t know what to say, but I gave him my number.”

Suga didn’t expect an answer while he was cooking, but he could feel the presence of Daichi in the kitchen. He put on the pot of rice as the curry simmered, the smells swarming around him, which only made his stomach growl. He left the room momentarily before coming back to see the whiteboard.

“ _Go to coffee with Oikawa_.”

So Suga made plans to go to coffee with Oikawa. They caught up on everything that had happened between both of them in the last four years, and for once in a long time, Suga’s mind was off of Daichi waiting for him at home. But as soon as he got home that evening, the guilt struck and he felt sick.

“I feel like I cheated.” He groaned as he walked through the apartment, discarding his jacket on the foot of his bed before walking into the kitchen, words already scrawled on the whiteboard.

“ _You didn’t cheat, Koushi. I am dead, you’re a free man you know._ ”

Suga pushed his hands through his hair before nodding. He knew that Daichi was dead; he was reminded of the fact every day.

“I know, but I miss you. I miss _us_. I don’t want to feel like I am replacing you. Oikawa wants to go out again, he asked me to dinner.”

For once in all the time that had passed, Suga witnessed the writing in front of him. He watched as the pen moved from the top of the fridge to write on the whiteboard. He could almost make out the outline of Daichi’s hand, but he wasn’t sure if he was just imagining it.

“ _Koushi, you know I love you. I love you more every day, even to this day. I’m not telling you again that this whole situation is unhealthy but I am going to tell you this._ ” There was a bit of a wait, and Suga gave a small nod before the words disappeared. “ _You are not cheating. You will never be cheating. All I want from this day forward is for you to be happy. Someone asks you to coffee? Go to coffee if that is going to make you happy._ ”

Suga sighed quietly as the words disappeared. He really wished he could hear the words in Daichi’s own voice, instead of the voice in his own mind.

“ _Be happy. Move on from me. I will always be by your side no matter what, but I want you to move on. You deserve to move on. You don’t deserve to live like this. You deserve the world._ ”

Suga could feel tears pricking at his eyes as the words continued to appear and disappear from the fridge.

“ _Please promise me, Koushi. Please promise me that you’re going to move on from this. I planned my whole life with you, and I plan to stay with you and watch over you, but I can’t watch you live this way anymore._ ”

The tears fell freely down Suga’s face as the words once more disappeared.

“ _So for now, my beloved Sugawara Koushi, I’m going to be watching over you from a distance. I want you to live happily, and move on. That is all I want. Can you please, please promise me that?_ ”

Suga felt his heart shattering into a thousand tiny pieces, feeling as though he was losing Daichi again. In the back of his mind he knew this was for the better, but he didn’t want to have Daichi’s presence leave. He was comfortable in his apartment with knowing that he was being looked after. His body trembled as he looked to the floor and away from the words on the board. He knew this was the right thing to do. He knew Daichi needed to go, he knew he needed to move on and be happy. It was just so hard.

A chill moved up Suga’s body as the he heard the dry erase marker land on the kitchen table beside him. And as fast as it had come, the chill was gone. The lights flickered once, and he could feel Daichi’s presence disappear.

And then he sobbed.

 

The following morning, after a fitful night, Suga messaged Oikawa and set up plans for dinner for the following night.

 

 

 

 

 

It was six years down the road, Sugawara had moved into a new condo with a new boyfriend. He was happy. He wasn’t completely in love, but he was getting there.

Suga unpacked the blank whiteboard from one of his boxes and hung it on the fridge, setting the box of dry erase markers on the top. He finished unpacking the rest of the box of kitchen knick-knacks before leaving the room, dropping the cardboard with the rest of the pile growing at the front door.   He made his way back to the kitchen.

 

“ _I love you more every day, even to this day. And I am so happy for you, Koushi. I’ll be here when you need me._ ”

 

For the first time in years, Suga could remember Daichi’s voice, even if it was only for that moment.


	2. alt. end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soon after suga receives a call from daichi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the alternate ending no one asked for, and i didn't plan on writing.

Suga’s eyes were wide when he showed up to the scene of the accident, unable to look away from the sight in front of him; a truck pinning Daichi’s small Honda to a telephone pole.

The lights of the emergency vehicles lit up the entire intersection as the rain continued to pelt down, harder now than they had been before. But Suga didn’t notice, he was too hung up on the fact that he might be on the verge of losing his boyfri—fiancé; his fiancé of less than an hour.

Time seemed to slow down and speed up all at once as he watched the crews move around him. They watched the paramedics pull the truck driver out of the vehicle, and hated that the man was still able to stand despite his drunken disposition. Suga wanted to kill the man for hurting Daichi, but he couldn’t move; he couldn’t speak. Suga was stuck as though his feet were made of concrete, eyes continuously drifting back to the small blue Honda. The very same that Daichi had saved up for after earning his license, and the very same that he used to pick up Suga for their dates. The same blue Honda where Suga had first told Daichi he loved him, and that Daichi loved him back, and where they left so many more memories that Suga left for granted.

“Sir? Sir, I’d like a word?”

Suga shook his head to focus before turning to a paramedic that had walked up to him without noticing.

Suga nodded, unable to find his voice. He hadn’t let the tears come yet, and he was determined it up until he was able to on his own. For the moment, he listened to the paramedic explain that they were going to pull the car apart and get Daichi out.

Hearing that Daichi was still alive and breathing, though just barely, made Suga’s heart swell with relief although he knew they were still in the deep end.

“I’m sorry for pulling you away earlier, but I hope you understand.” The paramedic finally said as another officer brought over a heavy blanket. “If you come with me, you can come to the hospital in the back of the ambulance with Daichi. He’ll be going into surgery immediately, but…”

“Thank you.” Suga finally said, once again tearing his eyes away from the mess in front of him and to the paramedic, pulling the blanket around his shoulders tight. “Thank you.”

 

 

 

Suga would do anything to forget the sound of metal crushing and scraping along concrete, but it was all he could hear as he sat in the waiting room.

Daichi had been in surgery for over an hour, and Suga was becoming impatient. His leg hadn’t stopped shaking and his phone had died and he wasn’t able to contact anyone about anything. He kicked his past self for not charging his phone when he had arrived home that evening.

But how was he to know he’d be spending the night in a hospital waiting room, waiting for the love of his life to come out of surgery.

The hours ticked by and he continued to fight back the tears, and continued to do so as nurse after nurse, and doctor after doctor walked through the hall though none of them had been the ones tending to Daichi. He had received no news.

It was the five-hour mark when he felt a hand on his shoulder shaking him awake and a bright-eyed doctor stood over him, beaming. Suga’s heart skipped, hoping that the doctor’s smile was a good sign.

“We’ve moved Sawamura-san up to his room, if you’d like to come up with me. He’s in a coma right now, but everything else has been sorted and he should make a recovery, albeit a slow one. When he wakes up we’ll be able to do more tests.”

“How long, do you think that will be?” Suga asked, voice cracking from lack of use.

The doctor sighed as they stopped in front of an elevator and waited for it to arrive. “It’s hard to say, because every coma is different.” He started, stepping into the elevator as the doors opened. He continued after they had shut behind them. “Daichi took some damage, as you can imagine, and I’m honestly surprised he’s still in this world.”

That was the last thing Suga wanted to hear, but all the same, he was glad to hear that Daichi was fighting to stay alive and hadn’t given up.

“So that in itself is incredible, and so we could be surprised and he could wake up sooner than later. I am sorry I can’t give you a completely timeframe, but I do believe he will pull through.”

Suga couldn’t find the words he wanted to say, but nodded as the elevator door slid open once more. The two remained silent as they walked through the halls, dodging nurses hurrying between rooms of the intensive care unit until they reached a door close to the end.

“I just want to warn you that we did clean him up as best as we could, but the bruising makes it look worse than it is.”

Gulping back a lump in his throat, Suga walked into the room. The beeping of the machines surrounding Daichi’s bed was the first thing that he noticed. He turned around and noticed the doctor hadn’t followed him in, and it made Suga a bit nervous. He couldn’t explain why as he rounded the corner and saw Daichi’s body looking ten times smaller than normal on the bed and under the dull blue hospital sheets.

Suga could feel the tears starting to prick at his eyes as he stepped forward to slide into the chair that had already been placed beside his bed. Daichi barely looked like himself. There was a gash over his swollen eyebrow that had been stitched up and bandaged, his nose looked as though it had grown double its original size and there was a cut on his lip. Everything else on his face seemed to have a purple and blue hue to it from the bruising, and Suga couldn’t help but reach up and cup his cheek as he felt tears start to trail down his own.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there for, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care that he hadn’t called into work, or got in touch with anyone, he only cared that Daichi was still in front of him and his heart monitor told him that he was still alive.

“Please wake up.” Suga found himself saying a short while later, hands long moved off of Daichi’s face and under the thick sheets to find his hand. He was careful in bringing his arm out from the blanket to press his lips against Daichi’s bruised knuckles. “Please wake up.”

It was then that Suga finally, completely, broke down. The tears came and he couldn’t hold them back any longer, and he quietly sobbed in the dark hospital room, save for the light streaming through cracks of the blinds – the rainclouds had cleared the sun was shining bright over the hospital that morning.

“Please wake up, Daichi.” He said, voice cracking as he wept. “You need to wake up, because I can’t do this without you.” He continued, pressing his forehead against Daichi’s hand. “Please wake up, because I want to keep my promise to have a incredibly long life with you. I need you to wake up so we can plan a wedding, and buy tuxedos and try cakes and go on a really cheesy honeymoon to Hawaii, and—” Suga knew he was rambling, but he didn’t stop until his voice cracked once more over another sob. “Please wake up, I love you so much and I need you to wake up.”

Suga stayed with his forehead against Daichi’s hand as his entire body was taken over, shaking as the tears flowed from his eyes. He didn’t want to think the worst, but once he had started, he couldn’t stop.

Though he immediately faltered as he felt the hand he was holding tightly grip his fingers back, and a groan left Daichi’s mouth.

Suga’s head whipped up almost immediately to see Daichi’s eyebrows furrowed, a look of pain that Suga could understand quite well.

“D-Daichi?”

There was another grunt on Daichi’s end, but nothing else as his eyebrows relaxed once more, but the grip was still tight on his hand, if not tighter. Suga didn’t want to let go, but he freed one of his hands from Daichi’s and reached across for the button to call the nurse to inform them that Daichi had stirred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was brought to you by a drabble prompt on tumblr. except it was writers choice.. and.. okay i have no excuse, you can still yell at me for this mess.
> 
> tumblr is [here](http://keijjis.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> i am really sorry. i just had to get that out of my system. you're allowed to yell at me, i deserve it.


End file.
